Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
