Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think i have two assholes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
