I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
