I heard we made out
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
