you guys were way drunker than both of me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
