Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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