the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
