He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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