he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
