don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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