FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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