Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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