I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
