Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
