At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
