Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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