**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
