Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
