apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
