Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
