in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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