You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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