My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
