They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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