Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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