A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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