So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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