So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
