Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
