two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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