They should really pass out barf bags in church
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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