She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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