i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
