my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
