We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
