Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
