The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
