Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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