does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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