Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
