Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
