if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
