I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
