I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate all girls vehemently.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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