i think i have two assholes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We left the knife in your bed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
