i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
