someone get that fucking seahorse.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
