There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
