you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
