Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
