So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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