I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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