I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
