At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
