first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
