I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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