just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
