i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
