Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it