Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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