just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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