DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
