You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
