Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
