We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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